1 STEP FORWARD 2 STEPS BACK

There is something comical about the way things seem to work; take one step forward and the next moment you're doubling backward after a sharp kick to the rumpus.

“Life could never be more difficult,” you think. And like a flare being sent to the Heavens, viola, you’re showered with a hail storm on your way home from work stuck behind granny-can’t-drive and her 2009 Dodge Charger. “Who lets an 80 year old dust-spitter get, let alone drive, a V8??!!!” you contemplate as you putter along in your ’02 Ford Focus that can vibrate an orgasm out of your passengers.

Everyone knows “times are hard” yet with a smile you ignore the creditor calls, pretend to smile through the phone at every nit-wit that calls your legal job for that hourly wage and graciously accept every crumbled dollar that lands on the tables during night shift. The weekend hits, you pay every bill you can manage with the slim earnings from the week before, manage to leave 5 big smack-a-roos in your account only to learn that your boss has “forgotten” to put you on the schedule for the entire week. But don’t worry my friend, you haven’t done anything wrong. Ramen noodle dinners here we come, but lets not get too excited over those sodium swimming noodles.

The last thing anyone needs in their non-insured life is a trip to the emergency room. 12:30 in the morning after only an hour of shut eye, imagine being awoken out of a drunken stupor to lights, cries, and banging doors. After 2 seconds of realizing there is a panic and this is not a dream you walk into the kitchen in skivvies to find the fiancé lying stomach down on the kitchen floor, squirming in SEVERE pain, crying utters that usually only come from the mouths of hurt children…. “pwwweeaassee hewp me.” A phone call to the ambulance and his dad in the doorway leads to laughing paramedics. Why the humor? He has a kidney stone. Apparently the closest a man will get to having a child. Hate a guy? There’s a curse for ya! Needless to say bedtime finally came around 7:30 in the morning.

And all of this joy starts with the relationship troubles endured Friday night. That being left for another day to spat about.

University of Stress

I was once told that life is only as stressful as an individual makes it. I've come to beg to differ with that little piece of knowledge. They have completely and blindly forgotten to include the OTHER individuals that influence life, which in turn can also lead to stress, and then it falls into your lap to see how well you manage that lovely slice of fun.

Due to my goal of getting out of debt, I put my classes off for two semesters. After signing up for classes for the upcoming semester I learn that I have to re-apply for admission.

Issue #1: Why re-apply when I already have a fall schedule???!!!! Anyone?

So I follow this fantastic rule of re-admission and await my response. Today I learn that I have been denied re-admission.

Issue #2: I am STILL signed up for classes with permission to sign up for more July 13th. But somehow I am not admitted.

With a mouth wide open I call my bright university and inquire how I am denied even though I am signed up for classes. In lamien's terms "What the fuck people?!" Thirty minutes later and two "can you hold please" moments, I learn that because I chose the major I WANT to get into and not the major I am IN, I was denied.

Issue # 3: Why in the name of all that is friggin mental did the application NOT at any point and time SPECIFY which major?????????????????????? YES, I'm a college student, NO I am not a mind-reader.

So now after a pleasant e-mail to admissions requesting a change due to error (on whose part I am still sourly unsure), I am nervously awaiting the Dean's decision on my acceptance.

Blood pressure officially sky-rocketing. Thank you University of Stress. Couldn't have reached this point without you.

The Hardest Thing to Push is Yourself

I'm the laziest person anyone can meet. I hide it behind two jobs, classes, and exercise that I despise. I'm broke like a bum on the side of the street, in debt worse than the average college kid, and have enough creditors calling my phone that I now talk with them about their families instead of what I owe. Hurray life.

Even though I am beyond my limit of stress I still find myself more worried about my weight gain than my skyrocketing bills or lack of social life. Hey I got one friend, why hunt for more out there in the seas of rejection?! Mind you I am not pushing 200 nor have I thankfully gained the ability to use an entire bar of soap washing beneath folds of flab, but my frame torments me as it closes in on 150. As I said I exercise....

Every morning (if I'm not sleeping throuh my alarm), I push my sorry ass out of bed and dance, lift, squat, trot, and jog for 30 minutes. I hate.. HATE exercising, it is not fun, it is not invigorating, its a pain in the ass, on all excruciating levels of pain. And yet I gain. My love for desserts and ooey gooey badness overwhelm me on a daily basis. Give me a buck, I'm buying a snickers.

So everyday I push harder to workout more, and ignore my desires...... one life to live.

Hospitality at its best

When you are at a restaurant and your waiter/waitress walks by with a stack of plates in their hand that could topple at any moment, realize that there is a limit to how much we can hold and stopping us on our way to the dish pit for us to take your precious little salad bowl is the most asinine thing you can do.

Personally, if I could drop my stack of overflowing left-overs in your lap and take that precious little salad bowl of yours and beat you with it... I would. But unfortunately for us, all we can do is let your dumb-ass know we'll be back in a minute.